


It would be romantic if they weren't so fucking stupid

by Hihoneyimdead



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pokemon Fusion, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Awkwardness, Getting Together, M/M, Not Beta Read, Oblivious, Pokemon AU, everything is awkward actually, not edited at all actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 07:42:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18795967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hihoneyimdead/pseuds/Hihoneyimdead
Summary: “I’m Brian,” his Brian says. He clears his throat and zips up his bag, looking at it firmly. “You know, since you’re using my towel and all.”“Yeah, I get it. I’m Patrick. Pat. Just Pat. Or Patrick.”“They’re going to get married by the end of the season,” Phillip announces.“Oh, absolutely,” Terry agrees.





	It would be romantic if they weren't so fucking stupid

**Author's Note:**

> I saw detective pikachu and had this appear to me in a vision about halfway in when i saw a tangela in the background
> 
> this is not edited at all so whoops?

Terry first met his Brian when he was just a couple of suns old, just long enough for him to learn how to hide in the grass like his mama had taught him. But all that “went out the window” when he saw _him_ , a human sitting up in a tree trying to catch a Wurmple with his bare hands. The branch snapped, and the human fell, and Terry lept out from the grass, and, with a whip of his vines, he managed to catch the human right before his face would’ve smacked against the hard, hard ground. 

The human had looked down at him with eyes full of love, Terry had felt something stir in his soul, and he decided not to run away. 

They’ve been inseparable ever since. 

-

“Terry, I’m in love,” his Brian says one night, staring wistfully at a man a couple of tables away. 

Terry’s Brian is full-grown now, Terry barely reaching his knees, now. It’s weird not being able to lift him anymore. Well, he can. But it’s hard and hurts his tendrils, so he just settles for stealing his Brian’s backpack and running away with it. 

They’re in the city tonight, at a little cafe just on the outskirts. His Brian had wanted a coffee, Terry had wanted a Soda Pop. It was meant to be. Terry is a firm believer in fate, and fate has led the two of them to the most beautiful creatures in the entire region, no, the world. 

The man is okay, Terry thinks. He’s probably the man of his Brian’s dreams: tall, dark, handsome-ish. But it’s the Pokémon sitting next to him that gets Terry’s heart thumping. For there sitting but a few short feet away is the most handsome Gloom he’s ever seen: thick, drooling, odorous. _Gorgeous_. 

But it’s a pity that his Brian, while beautiful and amazing and brave and kind and cool and awesome, is a cowardly man who would rather run from a battle than take part in it (not that Terry minds. He’s happy enough being himself, not some ripped Tangrowth). Matters must be taken into his own tendrils, then.

Terry looks up at his Brian and gently plucks the coffee out of his hand before jumping off of the table and towards the Gloom and their trainer. 

“Terry, what the fuck!?”

The Gloom looks up from their dish of food, and they make eye contact, and Terry can’t stop making eye contact, and he trips over the leg of the table and spills all of his Brian’s coffee all over the trainer’s lap. The trainer screams just a bit and stands, Terry scrambles away and stands a good few feet away, twiddling his vines and whistling a bit as his Brian approaches. The Gloom slowly blinks down at him, and Terry blushes as best he can underneath all his tendrils. 

“Oh my. Oh my, uh.” His Brian picks Terry up and holds him close to his chest, close enough for him not to be able to move his vines enough to get away. Terry pouts. His Brian blushes and looks around for some napkins. “I’m so sorry. I’m so - Terry, no, no, stop that - sorry. Uh, let me…”

Terry manages to extend a vine far enough to grab a napkin holder on another table and hand it over to the other trainer, who’s looking at his Brian with the same expression his Brian’s been making for the past hour as he’s been sitting and staring at him. Oh. _Oh_. 

He looks over at the Gloom, who winks at him. Terry waves his free vine wildly, and his Brian sighs and tries to tuck it back away. 

“Uh, no, it’s fine,” the other trainer says, smiling a bit and taking a napkin. The Gloom walks over, grabs the dispenser, and sticks it in his mouth. “Phillip, no.”

The Gloom, Phillip, sucks on the dispenser. He winks at Terry, who, again breaks his vine free and waves. 

Terry’s Brian blinks at Phillip. “I think I have a towel in my bag. If you want it.”

“Yeah, that’d be, uh…” the other trainer trails off as Terry’s Brian tucks him under an arm so he can swing his backpack around to get at it. Terry wiggles two tendrils above his eyes in the way that his Brian’s eyebrows do when he’s around a cute human. “Nice. It’d be nice.”

His Brian digs through his bag, pulling out his old, ratty towel, one that he’s kept since he was thirteen and the two of them stopped in Lilycove for a birthday shopping spree. He hands it over, blushing, and the other trainer accepts it gingerly. 

“I’m Brian,” his Brian says. He clears his throat and zips up his bag, looking at it firmly. “You know, since you’re using my towel and all.”

“Yeah, I get it. I’m Patrick. Pat. Just Pat. Or Patrick.”

Phillip rolls his eyes, and Terry rolls his eyes, and Terry manages to wiggle himself free and onto the table. He trots over to Phillip and sits next to him, extending a vine around his waist and pulling him closer. Phillip makes a grunting noise and spits the dispenser out onto the floor, watching as Terry’s Brian and his Patrick-Pat-Patrick fumble over each other and the towel, definitely taking longer to clean him up than it should. 

“They’re going to get married by the end of the season,” Phillip announces. 

“Oh, absolutely,” Terry agrees. 

-

His Brian has been talking for about seven hours straight, and he doesn’t seem like he wants to stop. Which is fine for Terry. He likes listening to him talk. It’s adorable. It’s even more adorable when he’s talking to Phillip’s Patrick, who has been silently walking with the most adoring expression on his face for the past seven hours straight. He’s said maybe five words since lunch. Phillip said it’s normal, that his Patrick doesn’t normally talk. 

“And then the Seadra lept out of the boat and back into the sea,” his Brian finishes. He stops to take a breath. “And that’s how I learned that Tangela can’t swim.”

Phillip’s Patrick huffs out a quiet laugh and shakes his head. “They don’t have arms, Brian.”

“And? He has feet!”

Terry nods enthusiastically. He does have feet. 

“You think all grass types can’t swim?” Phillip’s Patrick asks. He glances down at the Pokéball on his belt (apparently Phillip tries to stop and chew on everything when he walks. It’s quicker this way, not that Terry is a big fan of ‘quicker’ at the moment). “Phillip just kind of floats.”

“Yeah? Maybe he could teach Terry to do that. Arceus knows how many times he’s almost drowned.”

Terry makes a very affronted noise, and his Brian laughs and reaches up to scratch between some of his tendrils. His other hand is so close to Phillip’s Patrick’s, so close. One more inch and…

Their fingers brush, and his Brian jumps a little. Phillip’s Patrick misses a step, but he stablizes and grabs Terry’s Brian’s hand, but he then lets it go, but then Terry’s Brian takes it, but then he lets it go, and Terry groans and extends his tendrils and grabs both of their wrists and ties them together, because, to quote his Brian, fuck this. The two humans stop in their tracks and stare at the vines. 

“Terry!” his Brian screeches, making no attempt to free himself. “Don’t...what if Pat’s allergic?”

Phillip’s Patrick shakes his head, face a weird mixture of absolute terror and absolute ecstasy. “No, I’m fine.”

“Y-yeah?” his Brian asks, flushing as Phillip’s Pat looks up at him and smiles. “Oh. Uh, okay.”

“Okay.”

His Brian nods and smiles slightly, linking his fingers with Phillip’s Patrick’s. “Okay.”

Terry, content, pulls his vines back in and closes his eyes, content to listen to his Brian tell more stories about the times they’ve almost died from, to quite his Brian, some dumbass bullshit. 

-

Terry comes back from his walk to find his Brian and Phillip’s Patrick with their faces smooshed together, his Brian’s arms around Phillip’s Patrick’s neck. 

Terry smiles and walks back into the woods. Another five minutes wouldn’t hurt.

-

As they settle down for the night, Terry settles down by his Brian’s head and waves goodnight to Phillip, who is out of his Pokéball for the night. Phillip wiggles a bit in response and waddles over to join him. 

“I think they’re going to share a blanket tonight,” he says, nodding to the singular green blanket lying in the middle of the tent. Terry’s Brian’s already got half of it covering him. 

It’s been almost an entire season since they all met, and the trainers have gone from barely speaking to each other to finishing each other’s sentences with either words or a “kiss”, as his Brian calls it. They’re cute. They’re not married yet. It’s a problem. 

“Finally,” Terry says. 

His Brian groans and swats his hand lazily at the two of them. “Hush.”

Terry extends a vine up and grabs his Brian’s hand, shaking it around. Phillip laughs, and Terry’s Brian groans again and sits up, looking very unimpressed. 

“You’re a menace,” he says, and Terry smiles, hoping his eyes show it. Sometimes they don’t, and that usually makes Terry look like he’s murderously staring him down. His Brian snorts and tugs his hand away, flopping back down and pulling the blanket over his head. 

“You’re my menace,” Phillip says, winking. Terry, frankly, swoons and tips over, blinking up at him in a motion that his Brian does every time Phillip’s Patrick says something particularly charming. 

“You’re a real charmer,” he smiles, definitely feeling it hit his eyes. Phillip smiles and his drool smells even sweeter than usual. 

“Learned from Pat,” he says. 

His Brian makes a shushing noise, and Terry rolls his eyes. He knows that his Brian won’t be sleeping until Phillip’s Patrick is next to him. Probably won’t be sleeping after that, either. And it’ll be up to Terry to calm him down and keep him from running away in terror in the middle of the night. 

Phillip’s Patrick ducks into the tent after a couple of minutes and pauses in the entryway, looking down at his Brian like he’s the world. He crawls under the blanket, awkwardly repositioning his pillow. 

“Hey,” Terry’s Brian says. Terry can hear the smile in his voice. 

“Hey,” Phillip’s Patrick says. Terry can hear the smile in his voice, too. 

“I love you,” his Brian says, scooting closer to Phillip’s Patrick. 

“Love you, too,” his Patrick says, putting an arm around his Brian. 

“They’re gross,” Phillip comments. Both humans shush them, and Terry snickers, wrapping some of his tendrils around him and pulling him close, reveling in the sickly-sweet scent of his saliva. 

Terry falls asleep before his Brian does.

-

“Terry, no, give those rings back! Oh, Arceus, I’m so sorry.”

-

“Phillip, drop it! Those aren’t your flowers! Stop cannibali- yes, I can pay.”

-

As the final leaves drop from the trees, two humans stand underneath a tree holding hands. It’s just the two of them. 

“I’m going to cry,” Terry whimpers, using a vine to wipe his eyes. 

Phillip shushes him, completely focused on his human. 

“I’m pretty sure we need a priest for this,” Patrick’s Brian says. 

Brian’s Patrick puts a finger against his Brian’s lips, smiling. He tilts his head towards the Pokémon. “This is for them, okay?”

His Brian nods and kisses his Patrick’s finger. 

“Shit, I’m going to cry,” Terry sniffs. 

“Shut up, Terry,” Brian’s Patrick says. Terry waves a few tendrils in opposition, but he shuts up.

“Wanna get this over with?” Brian’s Patrick asks. 

His Brian nods and, around his Patrick’s finger, says, “I do.”

“Then I do, too.”

And their faces smoosh together, rings glinting in the sunset, and Terry cries just like he said he would. 

“You’re a sap,” Phillip fondly says. 

Terry gasps and points a vine at him semi-threateningly. “You take that back, mister.”

“Make me,” Phillip smirks. 

And Terry pulls him closer, pulls his face between his vines and to his face, and he can faintly hear his Brian laughing. 

“Took them long enough,” says his Brian, and Terry only hates him a bit for being that fucking oblivious.


End file.
